hide and seek
by wholovesthesun
Summary: Brittany wondered if Kurt was better in hide and seek than her. / warning: mentioned non-con


A/N: Prompt from glee_angst_meme. Beta'ed by lovely romykate (. livejournal. com)

Since she was pretty young, Brittany's favorite game has been hide and seek. The reason is simple, really - there is nothing easier than hiding yourself behind the nearest tree and pretending that you had just disappeared. Of course, you have to pay attention to everything: creasing the hem of your dress in one hand and remembering to not lose those pretty ribbons because Mommy would be upset. But, you must to know, Brittany is special. So she was hiding behind the tree, with closed eyes. Behind her eyelids, she was in another place. That place was simply perfect - she wasn't an ugly, stupid little girl in a dirty dress who kids were laughing at. But Brittany often forgot that that alternate universe wasn't real. But she always was the winner. She is the winner now too.

However, sometimes, she doesn't quite remember why she is a winner.

She doesn't quite remember when her Mom is calling her stupid because she failed an exam, and suddenly remembering about ribbons is not enough.

She doesn't quite remember when Santana keeps yelling at her with anger and desperation that no, they are not a couple , that was just a onetime thing, fuck off Brittany. "I don't need you, dumb bitch" and then "please, please, please come back, B., I just... please please..." Passionate kisses are the ending of that conversation, and Brittany just can't leave Santana like that.

She doesn't quite remember when she's doing what Mrs. Sylvester told her to do.

And she definitely doesn't remember when she is sobbing in front of her mirror, can't focus on anything, even with shut eyelids. Behind them is still another universe, but now He is in it. She still feels his touch on her thigh, his whispers, his nameless face. She still can hear her own screams, smell blood and humiliation. Her senses were openly laughing at her.

He found her behind her trees. She lost and it hurts so badly, somewhere, inside of her. But she still can win. So Brittany simply ended 'not quite remembering' and started throwing herself at anyone who tells her that she is beautiful, she is special, she is anything but what she actually is.

And she started hiding herself; not behind trees, but behind Santana, nameless jocks and dumbness.

She was fine. She was so fine that she vomited down herself on Thursday, in the girl's bathroom. But then, a door suddenly opened. And standing in that doorway was Kurt Hummel. Brittany didn't know how, but in one second she was sitting between his legs in a tight hug. She was mad, she wanted him to go away, but instead she vomited on him too. He just looked down at his shirt with a puzzled face, but after a short moment he was swaying her in his arms, singing a lullaby in his high-pitched, irritating voice. That was the most beautiful song that Brittany had ever heard.

"Tell me," he said quietly. Brittany had never known Kurt. And maybe that was the reason why she told him everything. About everthing that she can feel, smell and hear. About the sensation of blood pouring down her ankles. About hiding behind trees and pink ribbons. The boy's face just softened. He linked his fingers with hers.

"That wasn't your fault."

"You're beautiful, Brittany."

"Don't ever call yourself a whore again."

"She loves you. She's just weak. Some people must be weak, because we're strong, you know?"

"We've got to tell somebody, ok?"

"Everything will be ok." He was just saying stupid phrases, but she had never thought about how much she wanted to hear them until then. Although they were stinking and Kurt was just some little gay guy, she'd never felt that safe.

And he was with her the whole time. He didn't let her fuck around with some random guys; he held her hand while they sat in a small, clean office with Miss Pillsbury; he gave her permission to cry on his shoulder and ruin another of his shirts. The boy was always sad, but in a strange way that Brittany found calming. They ate ice cream together and Brittany started believe that everything would finally be ok. That Kurt would always be with her, singing his high-pitched lullaby.

But then she saw him making out with Mike Chang behind the dumpsters. Kurt was smiling, his freakish sad smile - Brittany's smile - on his lips and she was furious. They met after school, as always, in his basement for a sleepover. He was wearing a big shirt with a cheesy slogan and boxers, she was in her pink pyjamas.

"What do you want to do? Maybe we could watch some shitty movies and eat cheetos for dinner, hm?" there was a cheerful tone in his voice, and he was looking at her from behind his arm.

"He only wants to fuck you, you know?" Brittany said, with challenge in her eyes. Kurt hesitated.

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb, I saw you with him behind the dumpsters." She didn't care that she sounded harsh and aggressive. She felt played and cheated. "This is always about fucking. After that he'll leave you."

"Brittany..." he began carefully, with an understanding smile, but his eyes were a little wet. "You know that I'll never leave you alone with it, right? Did the nightmares come back?"  
"I'm not stupid, stop treating me like a child. What happened to all that 'respect yourself' bullshit?"

"I understand..."

"NO YOU DON'T! YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT IS! IT'S EASY, ISN'T IT, FROM YOUR POSITION?" she yelled, her eyelids tightly shut. But then, she opened her eyes and looked at Kurt, who was clearly crying but still trying to hide it. "Kurt...? I'm sorry, I... It just... I didn't mean to..."

"Been there." He whispered, emptiness in his eyes and voice. "One of my dad's employees liked me. A little too much, I guess." A humorless chuckle escaped his lips. And he told her, about the tackiness of his outfit, about the smell of petrol and his rough hands. He only told Brittany.

"I'm s-sorry." He sobbed, hugging himself in a defensive way. "Maybe you're right. I just thought..." he couldn't speak, only choke himself on his own tears.

"Shhh... Shhh... Everything will be alright. Everything will be ok." She said, squeezing his hand. She suddenly realized that maybe, only maybe, Kurt needed to hear those stupid phrases too. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault."

Brittany wondered if Kurt was better in hide and seek than her. 


End file.
